For those who couldn’t make it to our wonderful workshops, we thought we’d pull together a little ‘Peaceful Parenting 101’ post.
By its very name, many people might assume that peaceful parenting is permissive parenting. A style of parenting that lacks discipline and boundaries. It’s not. It’s simply about changing the old school view of parenting as a battleground. You against them.
Bedtime, mealtime, playtime tantrums, we know they all come with the parenting territory. And believe us, we know it’s HARD not to snap. But deep down, after many, many deep breaths, we ultimately know it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.
Peaceful parenting is all about regulating our own emotions and staying mindful of what a child feels, at all times. It’s a belief that parenting is 80% connection and 20% coaching. Not controlling, coaching. It focuses on empathy, connection and working with your child to resolve issues. It believes that punishments and time-outs just aren’t effective as discipline. They can certainly stop behaviour, but they don’t teach in the long term– it’s essentially fear based obedience. A gentle, emotion focused approach, or coaching approach, helps a child develop a better understanding of their emotions, behaviour – and actually fosters self-discipline. In addition to this, trying to understand a child’s perspective, recognising triggers and working together to resolve the child’s problem, also fosters a uniquely trusting and rewarding parental relationship.
Our workshops were centred on the work of Laura Markham, Clinical Psychologist, and author of www.ahaparenting.com where it lists the benefits of positive parenting:
- Your kids will be happier, more cooperative , and well-adjusted
- You’ll be happier and more relaxed.
- Yourfamily life will be more meaningful and fun.
- You’ll raise ethical, emotionally intelligent kids who are happy, considerate, self-disciplined,responsible, and likable — without ever having to punish!
- You’ll give your kids a real childhood while still preparing them for 21st century life.
- You and your kids will have a close, loving relationship for the rest of your life.
Being a consistent peaceful parent isn’t easy however – it’s always a challenge to keep your own emotions in check, no matter how old you are. But consistency is key to success in peaceful parenting– and to avoiding confusion in your little ones. So, if you really think this approach could work for you and your family, seek support, stay committed and stay strong. It will be worth it.
For those seeking more information, don’t forget to visit www.ahaparenting.com – it has tips for parents of every age child, from pregnancy right through the teen years, or contact Lisa at www.becomingpeaceful.com.